I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.
- Frank Herbert, DUNE
Recently, I had yet another typically boring incident of someone mistaking My actions to be in line with the nefarious intentions they have in their own actions. If I make a mistake, I WILL apologize. Just tell Me - don't address Me the way one should address their insidiously-ill-mannered-spawn. Though the person’s manner should have been more polite, I quickly apologized and the cow replied back to Me as if she were speaking to a humiliation-sub. Nothing she has serves Me in any way. I was being gracious by contributing to her online forum in the first place.
Then, one of My Domina101™ Attendees contacted Me with a similar problem. So, I’m having a glorious day and I’ve decided to share the Domina101™ tip that I gave to Her:
You have to remember to focus first on Who You Are. These silly creatures out here are so confused by what it means to be Dominant/submissive that they just exhibit bad behavior which reflects their lack of self-love – and they are too ignorant to know it.
Being a Dominant first and foremost requires self-control and personal responsibility. Too many “wanna-doms” think that to treat people with humiliation at any and every opportunity means being “in control.” This is always a set up for what one wishes one coulda-woulda-shoulda done when they come across a True Dominant who actually has a Domain and not just a delusion – like moderating an online group as the extent of one’s domain. For too many cybercreeps, the online “community” is all they have to pretend that they are what they present themselves to be. This is not only pathetic and sad, but a testament to how little they actually think of themselves to be too afraid to venture out into the Real World with those of Us who ARE walking Our talk.
Bullies are cowards which are, in My opinion, down there with the lowest of life forms. A coward always makes everything and everyone a reason for why they are failures. They are first to criticize what you have created while having created nothing of their own. They are first to berate you for making a mistake as if they have never, ever made even one. They do not know how to give compliments because they recognize and despise their lack of self-value. They do not know how to accept apologies because they cannot accept their own fallibility. Somehow, they believe they are perfect and that the world offends them by not showing up according to their limited ability, from even more limited experience, to think that it should be. These are the same people who want to dictate exactly how You should be Dominant in Your Domain while knowing absolutely nothing about You, Your life, Your Reality, etc. It is this type of "little world of domination" mentality that annoys those of Us who are living in the Real World of Owning One's Domain.
I have recently had to post You Won't Like My Events If... as a cordial warning to "space invaders" with this same bullying-distortion of what Dominance is. If one has to bully, one is a coward, not a Domme. A True Dominant knows that She does not lose anything by showing respect, gratitude, and graciousness without waiting for an invitation to do so. She can do this because She loves Herself, is responsible for Her actions, maintains Her Domain, and is not threatened by how other people do things in theirs. Most importantly, A True Dominant has no need to even attempt to enter someone else’s Realm and impose anything on it.
The beauty, as William Shakespeare said, is that “Cowards die many times before their deaths; The valiant never taste of death but once.” Julius Ceasar, Act 2, Scene II. Sadist that I am, I take much pleasure in knowing that they repeatedly cause their own suffering by avoiding personal responsibility! And then, I wish them well as long as they are far away from Me and Mine.
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This is an excerpt from My response to a post by the fabulous Jennifer Shelton at FemCentral. I've modified it to speak directly to you.
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Semantics. What one person calls "positive thinking" is called "mindfulness" by another person writing a book to sell. "Positive thinking" can also be included in chanting, meditation, and so many other modalities designed to gain control over FEAR = False Experiences Appearing Real.
In My experience, Positive Thinking is actually CHOOSING empowering thoughts and actions over disempowering ones. The same amount of time and energy spent on worrying about something that -could- happen can be spent on focusing on what you -want- to create and "Love Me Time" which allows you to get out of the way of achieving your goals. The stress that people choose to "think" with determines manifestation.The bottom line is RESPONSIBILITY and ACTION. There is no one thing that is going to be a cure-all for every person. We are responsible for trying and adapting new things all the time and evolving along THE PROCESS OF OUR DEVELOPMENT. This requires commitment.And cultural perspective is thrown in there, too. It's not only what society tells you to want, it's HOW you choose to want it. For example, "positive thinking" will only work as far as the whiny-person-who-believes-she-is-entitled-to-everything-without-making-an-effort is willing NOT to whine. In cultures that expect instant gratification and permanent healing from a pill, the idea that TOOLS such as "positive thinking," meditation, affirmation (and everything else that is designed to RE-CONDITION your thought processes) actually require continuous exercise immediately makes people insist that the TOOLS do not work. In reality, people are not "working the tools."Such laziness and lack of gratitude for all that IS available to Us to figure out how to work for Our individual needs is why We have a society of fat, lazy, slovenly individuals suing McDonald's for the fact that they CHOOSE to eat the toxic food rather than do the work to eat healthily.All of this relates to self-worth; do you believe you are WORTHY of what you desire?You are not entitled to anything; you have to do the work to DESERVE everything. You have to Work Your Magick (which IS everything that you choose to design in your life). The Comfort Zone of "focusing on being the victim" is the perfect way for all these people to get rich writing books, etc., for and against everything that has worked throughout "herstory" to validate people staying in their comfort zones and whining about it.It's not that something that has been proven to work for a multitude of others "doesn't work;" YOU aren't working it.Discipline is a good thing and self-discipline is the greatest of your powers.
I'm always astounded by the ridiculous misconception that to be a Dominant Sadist means to be ill-mannered, ill-tempered, selfish, greedy, and everything that the "hoochies-with-whips" abominate The Scene by being.
As I state on My Websites, I am a Giving Goddess. I do not wish to ever raise My voice, I prefer to make requests rather than demands, and I prefer to reward rather than to punish.So, whenever I offer a Gift to The Community, I am saddened by the comments of appreciation including statements such as, "It's nice to know that there are still kind people out there." It's also disparaging that those who are offenders of The Scene have the ludicrous audacity to be offended when their offenses are not tolerated in My Domain. they band together with others of their kind to call Me "elitist" and a bitch. their lack of vocabulary comprehension is only slightly less than their lack of integrity.First of all, I'm a BITCH = Being In Total Control of Herself (My Domain) and the only reason they're whining is because they're used to the "silly bitch syndrome" that their mothers effected by permitting them to believe that they are special without offering value to The Whole.Second, if desiring to be around people with class, integrity, self-respect, and consideration makes Me elitist, I'm proud to be an elitist *snob* on top of that. I'm not a hypocrite; if I don't respect a person, I don't have anything to do with her/him.I recognize My value by how I present Myself and My Gifts to The Whole. I walk My talk. I am secure enough in Myself to know that I do not lose anything when I share My beauty, talents, etc. Karma is a magnificent thing; what you offer returns to you multiplied. Intelligent people know that kindness does not equal weakness. In fact, kindness gives you a powerful tool of revelation: people show you how they want to be treated. Being a sadist, I will take the opportunity to torture them with enlightenment, which, in itself, is a win-win for Me because I offer a Karmic good.I return to My Mission of creating a Domain of honor, intelligence, creativity, beauty, and the opportunities for personal evolution through The Fetish Lifestyle. I realize that more than ever, My Mission is in place to serve the need of The Greater Good.And I'm excited and energized by this!
Throughout this season of ... cheer, I permitted a few people into My humble home and was appalled by their complete lack of manners. I NEVER say, "make yourself at home" for a reason: the right to consider My home your home requires bill payments and TREMENDOUS amounts of feats of worthiness.
Since it appears that parents have completely failed to provide any social-grace education to their offspring over the past 40 or so years, here's a quick list of How Not To Offend Your Hostess/Host. By all means, pass this information on to YOUR friends and relatives, especially the younger generations.
| 1. | Sit down and stay seated. DO NOT GIVE YOURSELF A TOUR OF THE HOSTESS' DOMAIN. A person's home is NOT a museum. If you wish to see the domicile, ASK for a tour and respect the answer given to you.
Also, DO NOT choose to pick up items to inspect them. This is offensive to the Hostess' personal space. If you are too bored with your own company to be left alone for the few moments it takes for the Hostess to go to the bathroom to urinate, bring a magazine when you visit so that you can amuse yourself. |
| 2. | Bathroom Hygiene. The fact that I have cause to write this disgusts Me, but mothers need slaps right across their faces - and not in a happy-fun way - for not training their children in cleanliness from early childhood. There is NO reason for anyone to leave urine on the toilet seat or the floor!
Step 1: Lift the toiled seat BEFORE using the toilet. Step 2: Use toilet tissue to wipe the rim and inspect the floor to ensure that it is waste-free. Step 3: WASH YOUR HANDS when done. And WASH YOUR HANDS when you come in from the street. If you do not physically go to the bathroom to do so, carry hand sanitizer in case the Hostess does not offer it to you. AND if the Hostess offers, use it. |
| 3. | CALL before going to a person's home. Don't think it's OK to drop by. I recently left someone in the hallway who foolishly thought I would open the door to My apartment because she was in the neighborhood. I told her that the same way she thinks to call Me to complain about her stupid husband, she should think to call to ask if she can come to My home. In this era of instant communication, there is no reason not to offer the courtesy of a text or phone call. |
| 4. | NO MEANS NO. When I say that I do not want you to clear the table, wash My dishes, or help Me, I mean it. A recent offender received 5 stitches for disrespecting My wishes in My home by deciding to help himself to a glass from My kitchen cabinet and broke a glass bowl with is forehead as it fell onto him. I honestly expressed My anger that he dared to even enter My kitchen, that his head broke My beautiful bowl (and he owes Me a new one), and that he bled on My kitchen floor. When I say My home is booby-trapped, I mean it. |
| 5. | Use a napkin, plate, utensils, chew quietly with your mouth closed, and don't speak with your mouth full of food. Seriously, does no one tell these people that their table manners are atrocious? Really? Pigs eat at troughs for a reason. I do not wish to:
It always amazes Me that all these people who want to be in "control" don't even have basic control of their own awareness and physicality to eat like civilized human beings... Yet, they will be the first to express disdain about someone else's civility. |
The BEST gift one can give is the gift of respect and good manners. By all means, take a refresher course and pass this info along - especially to the generations coming behind you. For more resources on manners, visit the Emily Post Institute where you can also find information on the appropriate amounts to tip for services.
What Prompted This Post
I would like to say that I had a marvelous Christmas, but the rudeness of all of the incredibly, self-absorbed people who chose their excitement over common courtesy, intelligence, and respect for anyone else seriously disrupted My Peace on Earth. I had an incredibly stressful Christmas Eve dealing with yet another relative being rushed to the hospital in serious condition (relatives in hospitals now up to 6) and I did NOT appreciate someone texting Me at 12:01 AM on December 25th because it was now Christmas. I also really did NOT appreciate the persons who chose to text Me at 8:30am, 9:00am, 9:02am and 9:15am to wish Me a Merry Christmas - and especially on a Saturday morning. I have STRICT contact times - which are between 12:00 NOON and 9pm ONLY - for very good reasons - one of them being that I am the emergency contact for all these hospitalized relatives, so I cannot turn off My phone. The fact that it is Christmas - a holiday that I respect but have no affiliation with - does NOT change anything. Besides what I wrote above, the decision of people to have their fun at My expense is why I chose to give this gift to assist Us all in remembering to mind Our manners.
My fabulous Grandmother always said: "Consider the source" whenever someone did something that disrupted My flow. That was some of the best advice that She ever gave Me ~ and She gave Me so much great advice!
How To Use This Great Advice:
As We all know, there are too many lazy individuals who take the slimey way out and operate from the lowest levels of consciousness and personal responsibility. It is easier for you, in your best interests, to pity them for making self-defeating choices; there can never be true happiness when you choose to be less than your best.
If the saying: There is only fear or love is true, then these offenders are seriously lacking love in their lives - not only love from others, but self-love. That makes them pathetic and having compassion for them also frees you from further concern and bother because you can choose what you want to do from a place of clarity.
So, if you consider the source of the aggravation, you do yourself a great service by releasing all attachment to that aggravation. I find that allowing Myself to have pity on, but not to tolerate or excuse offenders, keeps Me able to maintain My Fabulous Flow. Yes, this requires a bit of discipline, but that is the entire point of Mastery ~ which always begins and ends with Mastery of The Self.
Addendum:
Honing your skill to recognize behavior that stems from a lack of self-love and awareness will strengthen your ability to Consider The Source. I offer Domme vs. dumme and submissive vs. substandard.
More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom
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Because the selfish always believe they are above learning anything of value to contribute to what it is they desire to take from, they are ignorant to the fact that the Dynamic of Fetish Fulfillment is reciprocal.
This is not entirely their fault – the media and money-grubbing-exploiters are mucking up the concepts of Fetish en masse.
However, personal responsibility is always at the core of the realization of personal happiness and the fulfillment of one’s personal purpose – which IS the true purpose of indulging in The Fetish Lifestyle.
People need to accept responsibility for their contributions to the state of not only their own Fetish experiences, but the Fetish Scene on the whole – for good and for bad.
More of The Mistress Didi*s Words of Wisdom
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Self-discipline is the only true discipline. You affect all there is at all times.
What happens on all levels is directly related to your perception and your choices. Accept responsibility for them.
Think about how this concept looks in your life right now. This is the key to creating your ideal reality.
Everything begins and ends with your Self.
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The greatest accomplishment is to know yourself & honor Self.
When you live in the Truth of who you are, you will be in balance with The Universe and you can enjoy Life to the fullest without the illusions of the ego.
Compassion is the ability to see a person's ... "annoying behaviors" and recognize that this is where they are in their personal growth. You have the choice to allow this person and their behaviors in your personal space.
Tolerance is having the compassion to permit the person leeway to grow through such behaviors.
It is your responsibility to set boundaries - not only for your own well-being, but for the growth of the person whose behaviors come into conflict with your Peace of Being.
Otherwise, you are a part of the problem (in your life, in society, and in the person's life) instead of being a part of the solution.
